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It is important for Vaishnavs to understand how to balance a life of devotion and how to fulfil their social and family responsibility without disappointing anyone; including Thakurji. The Shrimad Bhagwatam (7.14.5) says:

 

यावदथरमुपासीनो देहेगेहेच पिणत: ।

विरक्तो रकवतत नृलोके नरतांनसेत् ॥

 

yāvad-artham-upāsīno dehe gehe ca paṇḍitaḥ ।

virakto raktavat-tatra nṛ-loke naratāṁ nyaset ॥

 

This means that an intelligent person should serve their family and their body only as much as necessary. In other words, we should only dedicate as much time to family and our own physical needs as is absolutely required. Internally, we must become detached, but at the same time time appear to be an attached person.

 

For example, when the Pandavs were together, they would pay attention to their brothers, sons, wife and mother, as well as their duties as warriors. They were always ready to fight with their bows and arrows. But as soon as they would separate from each other and go to their respective rooms, they would only meditate on the Lord. Like them, we should keep our hearts detached, because Thakurji alone resides there. But on the outside, we show attachment to the world. Rasik ¹ gurus show a lot of affinity when they meet worldly people. They show so much warmth and joy that it seems like they are very attached, but from the heart they are detached. They are not concerned about who has earned profit or experienced loss, who was born or who died in the family. They are not worried about anything. But when they love us, and when we stay near their lotus feet, we can learn from them. They are tactful, and this is not a learnt behaviour. Through bhakti, it comes naturally to them. We should maintain that same bhav.

 

Internally, remain detached from everything worldly, but externally, show that you are most attached. Do as much seva as you can for anyone, then leave. Say a family member invites you over for a family discussion. It was about something important, so you attended. After the discussion is finished, you ask for tea, play some games and talk about society and politics. Give these things up. Giving all this up is the dharm ² of a Vaishnav. The biggest rule for a Vaishnav householder is that we should give only as much time as is absolutely necessary for a particular task. The rest of our time should be dedicated to bhajan. If you bring this bhav into your life, the people around you will be happy with how much you love them, but you can remain internally detached from them, instead giving your time to Thakurji's Name, worship and service.

 

 

1. A saint who is immersed in the Vrindavan mood

2. Duty or innate nature